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  • Quelque grande soit...

    4036235810_6ec539a9bc_z.jpgRealizing, once you have clicked on the ‘Send’ button, that you have made a slight mistake using a showy old-fangled turn of phrase in a professional email, and eating up the next hour reading occurrences of said phrase in dozens of even more superannuated books.

  • Ad-libbed

    tubruk.pngDiscovering that ad-lib can be used as a verb — cooking up a post to coin this on VBP — ending up with so many contrived sentences using similar synonyms that you're certain you've played by ear and trumped up everything — to the point of faking it.

  • Glitz

    2-4-49-dodd.jpgDespite not being well-read in Computerese and all things technical, being absolutely convinced that it is anomalous for your laptop's Webcam to come up with a three-minute video that is utterly cruddy and rinky-dink but which weighs no less than 4.1 gigabytes !

  • Modicus

    touchpad-21933818.jpgBorrowing your elder son's laptop and realizing after more than ten minutes that it's got a mouse, then putting your foot down and decreeing that the touchpad is more commodious anyway.

  • Yawn

    yawn.jpgHaving a sneaking suspicion that all these people yawning with their mouths open at bus stops are in fact actors hired to make car-drivers feel more mannerly or well-behaved –and even downright urbane.

  • Guf & Gni

    slcs_22_hb.pngNot fully grasping how comes Gupapuyngu is considered as a developing language with 330 speakers, as opposed to the classification of 550-strong Gooniyandi as “moribund”.

  • Dogs

    the_girl_is_mine_by_bluegirl546-d4kmfh2.jpgBeing stark raving mad that you are spending ten minutes writing and publishing a VB entry instead of the usual 44 seconds, with no other –deeply infuriating– reason that your internet connection has gone to the dogs.

  • Brédif

    brédif.jpgBothering to google the name of the person who gave his name to that insignificant street in an insignificant suburban town where you need to be soon, and spending minutes browsing all the irrelevant results.

  • Pill-locked

    hillock.gifUsing the ‘Like’ button on VBB with three old entries in the vain hope of making them reappear on your FB newsfeed, and being dead sure that you will be considered a pillock.

  • Dax

    dax-taureau.jpgMuch as you loathe the current craze surrounding the post-apocalyptic multi-million movie, being tempted to have your sons call you ‘Dad Dax’ in fair tribute to your South-Western origins.

  • Pro

    incident.jpgSpending the first six years of your professional life beginning your sentences with “Paradoxically”, the next five saying “incidentally”, and then not using any adverbs any more.

  • Sodomy

    ben dover.jpgBeing somewhat surprised that the smartphone autocorrect software always comes out with sodomy when you are trying to write society.

  • Mad Max

    17778013352_b552b17961_z.jpgGetting mistaken between genuine Guardian headers and Daily Mash spinoffs.

  • Line

    drizzle3.580.jpgDespite the fact that this was supposed to be the sunniest day in the weekend, feeling the drops of a drizzle once you have finished hanging out the washing.

  • Wh

    answers.pngNot knowing exactly why there is a difference between why and wherefore, or what the wherefores of such a difference might be. ▬▬▬▬ Being distraught that the or in the previous sentence ought to be a nor.

  • Onibaba

    onibaba.jpgExchanging an average of 29 emails a day with the same Japanese correspondent and being dead sure that this is really getting nowhere.

  • Pillock

    old.jpgApril 19.

    Self-commenting a 6-year-old maiden Facebook post to make it reappear in your feed and worrying ever so faintly that you'll be considered a pillock.

  • Moult

    moulting.jpgBest tip to mend the holes in your 26-year-old robe : stroke moulting cat for an average 45 secs.

    ║║║║ Stumbling upon a passage in Thoreau's “Walden” and realizing that there have been very few metaphorical uses of “moulting” by English-speaking writers.

  • Fed

    96122008.JPGApril 18, 2015.

    The mixed feeling of shame and can't-be-bothered-anymoreness on reaching page 227 of “Mountolive” and deciding to give up reading the Alexandria Quartet.

  • A way

    out of.pngReplying to a spate of emails that have been sent to you by two professional correspondents over the night, and receiving an automatic “away from office” reply.

  • WTB

    tumblr_nndb28MxwB1rtwmj2o1_500.gifApril 17, 2015.

    Not remembering the third adjective in a beautiful sentence by Beckett.

  • A Boob


    April 17, 2015.

    Realizing that the lyrics of Kendji Girac's songs do not sound that far away from Ronsard or Apollinaire after listening to thirty seconds of Booba's blubberings.

  • Diacritics

    english-diacritics.jpgFeeling somewhat jealous that the other person liking a post you've just liked has three utterly unkeyboardable diacritics to their name.


    Being buoyed by the fact that the next two likers have pretty ordinary names indeed.

  • Poop

    mj1553_mahoney_joe_nincompoop_mug-rd67fa9dbece348f9ad802be9a75a03db_x7jgr_8byvr_324.jpgBarely refraining from writing “Look up the word ‘nincompoop’ in the nearest dictionary” at the top of an exam paper.

  • Madroño

    220px-Tin_cans_(Port_Lockroy,_Antarctica).jpgApril, 17, 2015.

    Giving out a sigh of relief on discovering that those very enigmatic tinned arbutus berries you've racked up from the deepest recesses of the kitchen cupboard are only six months past their expiry date and are hence a perfectly edible dessert.